Affair-Proofing Your Marriage- Part 1

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Affair-Proofing Your Marriage- Part 1


How To Affair-Proof Your Marriage Part 1


It cannot happen to me: Really, you are not that smart, not that great, not that spiritual. Yes,you have the Holy Spirit to guide you but you cannot afford to be careless about your life. Believe me, people who cheat on their spouses did not think they would end up that way. Be watchful about the situations you get into and be watchful over your marriage.



Wisdom: The Bible says wisdom is profitable to direct. Use some common sense. Men, why would you take your secretary out to lunch alone?Pastors, why would you counsel females with your door closed and no one around? Why is your “best friend” someone of the opposite sex? If you are married, your spouse should be your best friend. I recommend supportive, close friends OF THE SAME GENDER to be “BFFs”.Do not put yourself in compromising situations if you can help it.



Honesty: I hear this question:Should I tell my spouse that I am getting attracted to another person? Let me turn the question on its head: Would you rather tells your wife that you are about to become a dad(not by her)? Would you rather tell your husband that you got not only gonorrhea, but herpes from the pool boy? Bring things out into the open early. If your spouse expresses attraction for another person, this is not the time to get shocked and act sanctimonious. It is better for the issue to be out in the open before you reach the point of no return. I suggest that you and your spouse talk about it beforehand. Discuss what you would do in the event that either of you starts to feel drawn towards another person.



Marital conflict resolution:Refer to my write-ups: Fighting fair and Saying Sorry. Please do not sweep your marital messes under the carpet( I have tried it and it does not work). It just leaves room for resentment and strife to build up. The Bible talks about where there is strife, there abounds every evil work. Where conflict are not resolved, stony silence, tension and secrecy thrive. Make sure that you and your spouse talk about the issues in your marriage. Do not just talk once, keep the discussions going if it is an ongoing or recurrent issue.




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Comments (6)

  • Ayo Adene Reply

    i love all your write ups about marriage and relationships. I think u shud have a talk show. Pastor Bimbo’s shoes have not yet been filled. I have a question about ‘honesty’. what if u r with a partner who can’t process honesty? and owning up to them about your conflicts is like admitting a crime? what if they react and judge just the way you were trying to avoid in the first place? is honesty always the best policy? most humans arent that fair and honest, no matter your good intentions. so what say ye?

    May 19, 2012 at 9:06 am
    • sholashade Reply

      Thank you for the kind compliments, pastor Bimbo’s shoes are big ones to fill!
      Now about honesty. This write up makes the assumptiom that both parties are basically decent people working together for the good of the marriage. Conversations regarding these issues have to come up long before they become a problem
      Husband: You know how sometimes even when people are married, they may sometimes have fleeting feelings for another person?
      Wife: Yeah
      Husband: Well, if I ever feel “threatened” in such a way, I will let you know. And I want you to do the same.
      Wife: And you wont throw me out of the house if I say , I noticed the pool boy’s butt?
      Husband: No, we will work on things together.

      Bear in mind, this is a somewhat idealistic view of things and in real life people do not always react the way we want them to. But which is worse, having your wife throw a tantrum because you noticed your secretary, or having her divorce you and take your kids(and all your money) to Australia because you gave her the chlamydia that you caught from said secretary?

      May 20, 2012 at 2:34 am
  • Eric Alagan Reply

    I love your balanced approach to spousal relationships – taking both parties to task.

    May 21, 2012 at 12:47 am
    • sholashade Reply

      Thank you for your kind compliments. I will do my best to continue staying balanced.

      May 21, 2012 at 2:19 am
  • chinwe Reply

    good job, i really like these posts

    May 22, 2012 at 2:23 am

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