Fighting FairAdeshola Ezeokoli
You know those times…..big fight, you’re deadlocked, and no one is backing down, because you are both “right”.Here are some helpful tips on how to fight fair.
1. Shhhhhhhh…! Seriously,lower your voice!The Bible says a soft answer turns away wrath.For some reason a loud angry voice yelling at you just grates on your nerves so that you cannot hear what the other person saying.All you hear is their anger.You are more likely to feel calm if you are speaking and being spoken to in a quiet voice.
2.No name calling:This is an absolute no-no,it does not matter how angry you are.The Bible says you can be angry but do not sin.Name calling distracts from the issue at hand, and more often than not, degenerates into a “who-can-hurt-the-other-person-more” screaming match with no solution at the end of the day.
3. Leave the past behind: Deal with the present issue, do not dredge up past mistakes, faults and failures.The Bible says forget those things which are behind.You cannot drive a car looking in the rear view mirror the whole time.In the same way, you cannot deal with an issue if all you do is dredge up the past all the time. Women especially need to watch out for this one.
4. Talk! As weird as this may sound, yes, talk.Calm down and talk things over.Don’t just apologise to each other and go to bed.Don’t sulk.Don’t keep silent while the other person wants you to open up (there are times to keep quiet, for example, when you are tempted to be abusive or say something nasty to your spouse).Guys especially need to watch out for this one.Please resist the temptation to stonewall your wife.
5. Be realistic: Remember that an annoying habit or behaviour is not the whole person and your spouse gets it right sometimes.Avoid exaggerations like “you never say you love me” or “you always leave your socks on the floor”.Is that really so? A popular saying goes: “Even a stopped clock is right twice a day” .Your spouse is not that bad.Afterall you married him/her!
6. Pick your battles: Is it really worth a two hour screaming match if someone squeezes the toothpaste tube from the middle? Is it worth the silent treatment if someone burnt the dinner?Do you always have to be right?If you are right about something minor and your spouse is wrong,do you honestly have to prove how “right” you are?
7. No hitting! Do not hit your spouse, and no, it is NOT acceptable for ladies to hit their husbands either.If you feel tempted to use your fists, or throw something, leave the room. If you spouse leaves the room in the middle of an argument do not follow him/her ranting as you go.Wait for them to return and if they do not, take a few minutes and follow and start at point number one!
Remember, your spouse is not your enemy so, do not treat them as one.Stay in the Word of God in order to strengthen your love walk, and pray for wisdom before confronting an issue with your husband or wife.