How To Survive A Break-Up Without A Break-DownAdeshola Ezeokoli
Have you suffered a break up of a romantic relationship? Here are some tips to help you get through it. Remember time is a healer
1. Grieve your loss:
Don’t pretend that it doesn’t hurt. Don’t pretend that you are strong. Don’t pretend that you don’t cry. Take time to mourn, remember the good times but do not forget the bad times. There was a reason that you broke up. Do not wallow in grief or let it take over your life however. That brings me to the next point.
2. Self care:
Once I was mentoring and counseling a lady who had gone through a really bad break up. The first thing I asked was, “are you eating?”. You are allowed to be sad and cry, but please do not neglect your hygiene, your feeding, your sleep and your spiritual state. Self care will help you back get back on the road to recovery. Get up. Dress up. Never give up. Put one foot in front of the other. Keep moving. Take a shower. Eat some food. Get a haircut. Do some retail therapy ( within reason).
3. Connect or reconnect God:
I was once in a relationship that did not have God at its foundation, he was leaving town, I was leaving town and a mutual split was necessary. I reconnected with God to center myself, I prayed and asked for grace to face each day. A few months after I went away, I thought I saw him in this new place where I had moved to. Wow! My heart skipped a beat and I realized it was not he. I then smiled afterwards when I found that that intense longing, that sadness and feeling of mournfulness had gone away. Connect with God and he will mend your broken heart.
4. Seek support:
This is why it is important to have friends. Go out with them. Do fun things to cheer yourself up. Don’t call your friends and moan for the 200th time about why did he do that. ( A good vent is ok but after a few times talking about a situation again and again; just rehashing the pain, is like having a bandaid over a wound and then ripping it off to examine the wound repeatedly). So, balance the need to vent with the need to properly heal. Let your friends take you out to places, volunteer in church etc. After a period of mourning, reach out to friends, a counsellor, Pastor, mentor etc. And this is not the time to seek solace in tearjerker movies, potato chips, or Hagen Daaz.
5. Get over it:
Clean out the closet. There is a reason why an ex is called an ex. They are supposed to have exited your life. If you are truly broken up, why are you letting him use you for a booty call? If you are truly broken up why do you talk all hours on the phone? Why is she still your Facebook friend ? Why do you stalk her page, her Instagram, her twitter etc? Make a clean break. There are some situations that may bring you together so this may not be practical for everyone. For example if you have a child together, work in the same office, go to the same church or belong to the same circle of friends. But you have to draw boundaries or risk getting hurt repeatedly.
In conclusion, it may not look like it now, but you will make it, you will be fine and you will have get another relationship.