It Takes A Village, Get Help!Adeshola Ezeokoli
Relationships, Getting Help and Delegation
More than one person has reminded me, behind the scenes, that I have a full time nanny, and that enables me to do the things that I do. I just decided to address the elephant in the room, such that it is.
Not only do I have a nanny, I also have cleaners, I have partners in ministry, I have a business coach, I have a publisher, I have a web developer, I have a financial planner, I have an ad-hoc legal adviser, I have vision partners, I have mentors, I have Pastors, and I have good friends. I am currently looking for a publicist/marketer (I found one that was out of my projected budget range- code for expensive), so I am seeking alternatives.
The point is that, wherever it is you want to go, you need people to help you get there.
My Pastor, Kayode Ijisesan, preached about this yesterday in church.
Remember the saying: Show me your friends and I will tell you who you are? There are some people that you meet that literally catapult you to another level as far as achieving your goals and dreams are concerned. I am certainly a product of my relationships. When I left Nigeria for England, one of the things a doctor I met in England told me was this: “Associate with forward thinking people. There are some doctors who will tell you that no one can pass these exams, and that your best bet is to become a such-and-such. You can pass these exams, just study hard and go to study groups with like minded people.” I took her advice and held on to it, during those times when I really questioned whether I was going to make it or not.
This is the power of relationships. They can make you, or break you. I have been blessed to always have around me, people of vision, people who strive, push me to strive, and prevent me from settling. If you are trying to lose weight, you need some skinny friends. If you are trying to make more money, you need friends who have some! If you want to go back to school, you should have friends who are going back to school; have been to school; or like you, are planning to go back to school too. If you are trying to get out of a drug addiction, it will not help you to hang out with friends who are comfortable that phase of existence. You will not get anywhere. I have two friends who will read my blog posts and text me saying, “You wrote this, it is grammatically incorrect”, or, “this could have been written like this”. I thought that I was the grammar police until I met them. I am so grateful for all that they do! Examples abound, but it takes a village, not just to raise a child, but to help a person. Who is in your village? I am not saying that you should make friends, just for what people can do for you. I am saying choose your relationships wisely, and associate with people who can help you in addition to your other buddies. It is also important not to throw good relationships away. Give people a chance to be imperfect people. The person you “cut off”, over a minor offense today, may be the key to your greatness tomorrow. Build relational capital. You too, need to be a person that others can call a friend.
I am not superwoman, no one is. I do not pretend that I can do it all, and no one should. A human being is a finite resource. As I mentioned in my first paragraph, I have a LOT of helpers. Some are paid, some are not. Some are more expensive than others. Here is the scoop. There are things that you cannot do. There are some things that for various reasons, you have no desire to do. There are some things that you have no time to do. There are some things that do not make economic sense for you to do. For example, if I make $50 an hour, and I can hire someone for a task at $15 an hour, which will free me up for more $50 hours, this makes economic sense. I realize that life is not that simplistic. This is just an example.
Micheal Hyatt has a great podcast on delegation which is worth listening to- http://michaelhyatt.com/thisisyourlife (episode 42). If you try to do it all, you will certainly burn out. For me, personally, I cannot be a full time doctor without full time child care.
Prioritizing your helpers is also important. For example, you probably do not need to hire a cleaner if you are single and live in a studio flat (bedsit, for my English friends). You may not like cleaning, but maybe your resources can be directed elsewhere. If you are a working mother of three, in a four bedroom house with two bathrooms, you may not survive without a cleaner. Get the help you need, that you can afford.
Speaking of affordability, I do not think that most people have money lying around and then decide, “Oh let me just hire a such-and-such, to do so-and-so”. No, you identify the need for help in an area, and start to seek for the resources you need. Pray about whether this is right for you or whether the time is right. The problem is that we tend to think that we cannot afford this, or we cannot afford that. As such we close our minds to the help that may be right under our noses. There is help for whatever you need. You have to believe it by faith, and seek until you find. There is affordable, good help for you. It may not come with a fancy name or a website, but good help is good help.
This post is getting longer, so I will stop here. I would love to read your ideas for a getting reliable help as well as ideas for future blog posts. Please leave a comment below.