LIFE IN BALANCE- Managing Your Expectations In MarriageAdeshola Ezeokoli
This piece is written specially for people who are engaged but married or single, you will gain something out of this write-up. It is about expectations in marriage. I will address the expectations people have of their spouse or spouse-to-be. I shall share a story from my life:
One day my husband and I were talking. This was after we had been married for about two years. I asked him, “What did you expect when you married me?” He replied, “I thought that we would be the ultimate social couple, and have parties every weekend”. I did a double take! “Well”, I said, ” I was waiting to marry you so that I could have you all to myself, and go away together all the time”.
We both laughed as we figured that God must have a great sense of humor.
What are our expectations for marriage and where do they come from? We have expectations based on our ideals, our background, our parents, what we felt was lacking in our homes growing up or our previous marriages.
Sadly, a whole lot of people’s ideals of marriage are based off of Hollywood, and if their marriage does not match up to the fairy-tale, they head for the hills( Hollywood also glamorizes divorce, but that is another story).
Some people feel that for a marriage to work, a woman must be a stay-at-home mom. Some women expect their husbands to pay ALL the bills. Some people expect to have a big family and some people expect to have a small one. Some people expect the mothers to do the disciplining of the children, some people expect the fathers to do it. On and on it goes.
Whether you are about to get married, newly wed or married for many years, discuss your expectations with your spouse-to-be, or spouse. It may be, that the things you keep quarreling about are simply the results of having different expectations of this other person than they have of themselves.
If a woman was brought up believing that she had to work, one can see that if her spouse was brought up believing otherwise; they would have some issues to work through.
Talk with your spouse about your expectations of what marriage should be and what your roles should be. Remember, this is not necessarily about right or wrong, but about realistic compromise.
Have a blessed day, friends.