LIFE IN BALANCE-Mr. Right or Mr. Wrong?Adeshola Ezeokoli
There is no doubt a greater societal pressure on women to hook up, get married, get hitched, or whatever you want to call it. Before you go shopping for that wedding dress that you have had your eyes on for the last x number of years; before you fall head over heels in love; before the voice common sense is drowned out by the flapping wings of the butterflies in your stomach, ask yourself this:
Is he Mr Right or Mr Wrong?
Signs of Mr Wrong:
1. Mistreats his mother: If he has no respect or regard for his mother, he is not the man for you. If he speaks badly about his mother, does not render her needed help, talks rudely to her, her does not respect women. Soon, you will be the object of disdain too. Of course, this is not to say that they do not have disagreements, but even while disagreeing with his mom, there should still be respect.
2. Is a mama’s boy: On the flip side, if everything you discuss is relayed back to Mama for her stamp of approval; if he cannot stand by his decisions until he has had his mother’s input, run. You are getting ready to have your marriage remote controlled by Mama. This is not to say that he cannot say anything to his mother, but a man has to be able to stand on his own two feet, in the areas of decision making and problem solving
3. Different religious beliefs: So, the Bible speaks against Christians marrying non-Christians. However, even from a common sense point of view, if you have religious beliefs that your partner does not share, that opens the door for conflict down the line if you try to follow the tenets of your religion that he does not believe in. No one should pull you away from God.
4. No steady job: No job, no plans to get a job; no business, no plans to start one; not in school, not planning to go to school;a “runs” guy( my Nigerian friends know what I mean); no source of income per se. Now, people fall on hard times and yes, a man might want to start a relationship with you, who has been laid off work. That does not mean you should not give him a chance. There is however a difference between someone who is looking for a means of income and someone who is not.
5. Controlling, jealous, bullying, suspicious: More loving is not the answer to a man who has problems with insecurity. If your Mr. Right has to know right down to the smallest detail, your every move, he may be Mr. Wrong. If you cannot so much as smile at another man without getting his dander up, watch out. If you are continually hearing: if you love me, you would do this; or if you really love me, you won’t talk to that person, take a step back from the subtle manipulation. If he claims to be “protective” but is really just suspicious of you, thinking you are up to no good, even in the most innocuous situations,run for the hills and don’t look back.
6. Beatings: You would think that no woman would get married to a guy who flies into a rage and “pounds her flesh in”. You would be wrong. People do it everyday. Why? There is no one answer. Whatever the reason, run for your life. Now, I am not talking about two people fighting, I am talking about a situation where a woman is beaten up by her man. Logically speaking, ladies, the chances that you will overpower a man are slim to none. The chances that you will win him over, are also slim to none.The chances that beatings will escalate once you marry the dude are pretty high. So do yourself a favor and run for your life!
7.Liar: He lies. It calls into question his integrity; it calls into question everything he has ever said and everything he will ever say. Watch yourself with him. “Where were you?” “At work”. Then you find he was at the club with the boys. “Who is she?” “My play sister”. The you find out she was an ex girlfriend. It makes you wonder, what next?
This list is by no means exhaustive, neither is it a substitute for relationship counseling and mentoring. In the “search” for Mr Right, it is prudent not to get carried away by feelings and appearances; but to sit back and take a good hard look at thing that could be signs of serious character flaws.