LIFE IN BALANCE- Raising Confident Children Part 2Adeshola Ezeokoli
Continuing from part 1
Raising Confident children
6. Ground them in your core values: Your children should be brought up to live by your principles. Your beliefs about life, about God, about the world around you, about how to treat people, should be their guiding principles. That way, they have something to fall back on, if and when the world becomes perplexing. Without guiding principles, they will lose confidence very quickly. My husband and I raise our children by Christian principles, as outlined the the Bible. That is not to say that we expose our children to theology and doctrine beyond their years. We ground them in our values by modeling good behavior and teaching them through simple Bible lessons. They are learning how to treat people, how to pray, how to behave, how to react to negativity, to tell the truth, and so on and so forth.
7. Do not use fear as a tool: Similar to point number five but this addresses fear from a different angle . Do not rule with fear. Yes, your children should respect you and know that your word is law in your home; but do not make them so afraid of you that they cannot come to you with their fears, mistakes and problems. They should not be scared stiff of mommy and daddy. Do not lie to them about boogie-men in cabinets and monsters under their beds. That is using fear as a tool.
8. Encourage self expression but not misbehavior: Finding balance in this area is key. On one hand you find children who are cowed, fearful and won’t speak unless spoken to. On the other hand you find kids who are chatty, expressive, yet unruly. A child does not have to be cowed to be polite and does not have to be unruly to be expressive. The middle ground is a child who is expressive but also has boundaries. Let me give an example. If you have a talkative child, as much as you want him/her to speak and express their ideas and views; you do not want said child to be rude. Being talkative is expressive, being rude is misbehavior. On the other hand, if you have a child who is shy and retiring(that is their own expression), that child should not be allowed to be surly! If you have a son(or daughter) who is a tinkerer, they should not be allowed to destroy or take apart important stuff. But them some tinker toys and Legos and let them work on those. Helping them excel in expression of who they are will make them grow up confident.
9. Have boundaries and fair discipline:
See: Raising Disclined Children
Discipline is not punishment, it’s a lifestyle. All children need boundaries, correction and discipline. It helps them develop and sense of right and wrong. It also helps them grow into model citizens. All methods of correction should fit the “crime” and age of the child. For example, a timeout would be appropriate for a three year old but not a nine year old. Being grounded would be appropriate for an 11 year old but not a two year old( they don’t go anywhere, anyway). It is important to try to figure out the difference between willful disobedience/defiance/disrespect and childish foolishness/exuberance/lack of knowledge.
10. Pray for them and confess the Word over them: Pray for your children.Pray that they will grow up confident and ready to take their place in destiny. Read the Bible and look up scriptures that have to do with raising children, character, long life, confidence, and pray these over your children. Say good words over them. Tell them that they are confident, loved, important to you and to God. Tell them that they are not afraid. Reinforce positive beliefs in your children.
Well that’s all, friends. Please feel free to comment, share and subscribe to his blog for updates