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In my last post, I tried to outline the fact that there is no “one person” set apart for you to marry, and no matter who you get engaged to and marry, you have to work at your relationship. Things will not just fall into place because you met “the one”. There are many factors that make a relationship work, and I will be addressing some of these.

1.The God Factor:
As a Christian, how much of a role does God play in your life? This will determine how much of a role He plays in your choice of a partner and in your marriage. As much as a I realize that God is to play a central role in or lives, not the role of Santa Claus or miracle dispenser or someone to run and hide from when you have done wrong, I do realize that God has left some things up to us. Let me use an illustration from the career/corporate world. Let us say you were looking for a job. Even though you are a Christian, you would not just pray and hope a job falls on you from heaven. You would pray, apply for jobs, go on interviews etc.

In the same way, as a Christian single person, you are to pray, but you are also to learn those things that will make you a good spouse as well as keep your eyes open, meet people in the right places as well as do all you can in the natural realm that can help you find a spouse. Just as with finding a job, you would not do anything ungodly, illegal, unethical or immoral to get a job; in the same way, to find a spouse, you should not do anything that is ungodly, illegal, unethical or immoral to get a spouse.Also be open to the fact that God can show you things and guide you in various ways.The take home message from this point is this: Pray to God for guidance, do your part and remember that there is not one “God-ordained” soul mate for you.

2. Physical attraction:
There are two extremes I want to address here. One is that physical attraction is unimportant. The other extreme is that it is everything. The correct view is probably somewhere in the middle. Physical attraction is important in a relationship that will lead to marriage but it is not the all-in-all. You cannot marry someone who repulses you or whom you cannot stand to look at, or whom you are not attracted to in any way, shape or form.After all what then would be the difference between having a spouse and having a room mate?Having said that, there are cultures where people have arranged marriages that work, so it is clear then that physical attraction is not the be all and end all of a relationship.

In the same vein, physical attraction alone cannot be the basis of your relationship. What if he’s cute, but has no manners or is a wife beater? What if she is good looking but is rude, arrogant and inconsiderate? Do not use physical attraction as the final arbiter of whom you will marry. I have heard people tell me things like, “When I see him/her, I will just know he/she is the one”. Yeah, right. Most of the time it does not work that way.The fact that you are not physically attracted to someone at first sight does not disqualify him/her from becoming your spouse, down the road. The converse is also true. If you are physically attracted to someone at first glance does not mean that you will have a happy marriage with them.

Watch this space for part 3, feel free to comment and you can subscribe to this blog for updates.

Let him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth— For your love is better than wine. (Song of Solomon 1:2 NKJV)


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  • olubabamascot Reply

    Like you rightly explained,I always tell people, when it comes to physical attraction, it’s two things: LOVE THE CONTENT;LIKE THE CONTAINER. So it isn’t all about the container though but you must find it acceptable by you. Don’t bring me pure water in a dirty cup. And don’t package gutter water for me in a nice-looking bottle. I will always check whatever I drink before gulping, so it won’t work. I won’t take it. So content is important as container, and vice versa. And of all is God, who works in us “both to will and to do of his good pleasure”. Singles stick with sholashade’s blog. The instructions presented here are real, practical, time-tested and Bible-based.

    August 13, 2013 at 11:54 pm

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