Say It Right!Adeshola Ezeokoli
Communication in marriage is something that we can never learn too much about. Her are a few points on some of the things I have learnt(sometimes the hard way) over the years.
1. Learn to listen: Do not listen just to have a clever comeback. Listen for verbal and non verbal clues. Listen with your ears and your heart. Be attentive. Give feedback like, “Hmm”, “right”, “true”.
2. Walk in love: Communicate in a loving manner, even when you are angry. Remember the golden rule. If you would not like your spouse to talk to you in a certain way, do not talk to them that way. What if they talk to me that way? Well treat them as you want to be treated, not as they treat you. This is not the world’s way, it’s the Bible way.
3. Talk nicely in positive and negative situations: Why are people so polite to outsiders and yet talk rudely to their spouses? This is not right. For instance instead of saying “You never clean the house”, you can say ” Do you need help with cleaning this house,it seems like a lot of work”. You can pass across the same message in a nicer manner.
4. Avoid certain words and phrases : “I hate you”,”You always”,” You never”,”I am leaving”,” This marriage is not working”. Avoid curse words and abusive language:” You are stupid”,”Shut up”,” Idiot”,”fool” , and the like. Do not use f-bombs in your home.
5. When angry say as little as possible: Self control is key. Do not just say just anything that comes to your mind. You may regret it. What if what I am saying is true? Go back to point number 3.