Say It Right!

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Say It Right!

Communication in marriage is something that we can never learn too much about. Her are a few points on some of the things I have learnt(sometimes the hard way) over the years.

1. Learn to listen: Do not listen just to have a clever comeback. Listen for verbal and non verbal clues. Listen with your ears and your heart. Be attentive. Give feedback like, “Hmm”, “right”, “true”.

2. Walk in love: Communicate in a loving manner, even when you are angry. Remember the golden rule. If you would not like your spouse to talk to you in a certain way, do not talk to them that way. What if they talk to me that way? Well treat them as you want to be treated, not as they treat you. This is not the world’s way, it’s the Bible way.

3. Talk nicely in positive and negative situations: Why are people so polite to outsiders and yet talk rudely to their spouses? This is not right. For instance instead of saying “You never clean the house”, you can say ” Do you need help with cleaning this house,it seems like a lot of work”. You can pass across the same message in a nicer manner.

4. Avoid certain words and phrases : “I hate you”,”You always”,” You never”,”I am leaving”,” This marriage is not working”. Avoid curse words and abusive language:” You are stupid”,”Shut up”,” Idiot”,”fool” , and the like. Do not use f-bombs in your home.

5. When angry say as little as possible: Self control is key. Do not just say just anything that comes to your mind. You may regret it. What if what I am saying is true? Go back to point number 3.

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Comments (6)

  • Eno Ekaete Usoroh (@Ekybabe) Reply

    Absolute truth. Thanks for sharing.

    June 7, 2012 at 3:50 pm
  • enhowie Reply

    Well said, #4 and #5 are dead on. Most people don’t know that words can do damage that words can’t fix

    June 8, 2012 at 5:13 pm
    • sholashade Reply

      Indeed! “Words can do damage that words can’t fix” .
      Thank you for your comments. They are most encouraging

      June 9, 2012 at 12:17 am
  • Eric Alagan Reply

    All very good advices. You are so right – people tend to be nicer to strangers than to their ‘loved’ ones.

    I also believe timing in communications is all important. The worst thing is for a partner to step in after a hard day’s work and have someone unload all of his/her problems even before the partner had slipped off their shoes.

    Let them settle down, have a drink or even after a shower and dinner – then broach it.

    I’ve been married for 32 years and this is what I’ve learnt over the years.

    June 9, 2012 at 2:26 am
    • sholashade Reply

      Yes, timing sometimes can be everything!

      June 11, 2012 at 3:17 am

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