What’s “love” got to do with it?Adeshola Ezeokoli
Popular media, popular songs and Hollywood would have us believe that love is a feeling of attraction towards someone that mysteriously comes and can mysteriously disappear. This “love” is not enough to sustain a marriage.
That is why after that initial rush has faded, people fall into thinking they do not love each other anymore! This is wrong. Feelings come and go and to a great extent, one cannot base ones life off of them. This is where people either separate and divorce or settle for a humdrum boring marriage. People have affairs trying to recapture the “love”, the buzz, the sparkle. Divorce rates are at an all time high and it is entirely possible that a good number of these would not have happened if people were not following their feelings.
1. Feelings come and go, but true love stands the test of time: We all know that. Today you are happy , tomorrow sad, the next day you don’t feel like going to work. Do you act on your feelings every single time they occur? No. Then do not fall into the temptation of thinking your marriage is not working because the butterflies in your stomach flew out! 🙂
2. You can change and control your feelings: You can change your feelings with your thoughts and your words. If you draw on memories that produce feelings, the feelings will return. Let me give an example. Cast your mind back to the memory of your first date. How did that make you feel? Exactly, you felt the way you felt that day: you are probably smiling sheepishly now! 🙂
Telling your spouse “I love you” even if you have not said or heard it in a while will make you feel different. Am I saying that this is instant? No it is not, and it depends on how long you have let your marriage lie fallow. The longer it has been, the longer it may take for the passion to be renewed.
3. What you feed grows, what you starve dies: The more you concentrate on a feeling or emotion, the stronger it gets. The more you disregard a feeling or emotion, the weaker it gets. When people take their love for granted they stop feeding it with all the things they were doing that made them feel loving. For example, man stops buying her flowers, therefore woman lets herself go( or vice versa). That is starving their feelings for each other. Keep doing the things your “feelings” made you do and the “feelings” will return.
4. Avoid distractions: If you have a husband or wife, stop looking at others and fantasizing about what your life would be with them. This will take away the time, love, and energy that you should be putting into your relationship, thus killing your marriage and setting the stage for affairs.
5. Evaluate, evaluate, evaluate: Do not wait until your marriage is gasping for air like a landed fish before you evaluate your relationship with your spouse. Have regular times when you can talk about your marriage and the things you need to be working on to keep things fresh and vibrant.
Well, here it is friends. I pray that as you read this your marriages will be strengthened and your love will grow stronger everyday.